Admittance| A Medium Series | Episode 9 | Stuck and Trapped

Admittance: Stuck and Trapped

If only I had somewhere else to go.

I feel hella self-conscious even when there is nobody around.

My behaviors are very much aligned with the symptoms of someone with antisocial personality disorder.

Those two facets and quite possibly defects of character are a deadly combination.

My id wreaks havoc on my super ego, bruising my ego and leaving me to my own demise.

Isolated, anxious, depressed, and edging on the border of insanity.

My medications can only do so much to mitigate the travesty of my mind, and I am dependent on them, stuck and trapped.

I am losing confidence in my mentality and daily routine because deep down inside, I know they are not sustainable.

To take enough antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers every night to knock the average person out for a couple days is such a Sisyphus burden.

I wake up disturbed instead of refreshed because of my medication’s sedating effects.

Taking 9 different psych meds at high doses.

I don’t know.

So stuck and trapped that I’m writing about it on Medium.

Just wanted to get it off my chest.

Hoping my vulnerability pays off.

I hope you can find a similar approach to your own issues.